Hogwarts: an alternative dictionary.

Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

albus dumbledore

nick name for a person who, with elbows, stumbles into doors.

alohomora

hawaiian greeting.

avada kedavra

what it sounds like when you try to say abra cadabra with a mouth full of bertie bott's every flavour beans.

boggert

short sharp spell that makes you soil your pants.

crookshanks

the way richard nixon's jowls wobble when he denies involvement in watergate.

durmstrang

when you drop a guitar and it goes out of tune.

expecto patronum

an old man's cough syrup.

expelliarmus

violent, sudden emission.

gillyweed

what mrs weasley bakes into muffins to help her get through those endless meetings of the order of the phoenix.

grawp

a drunken fumble.

hedwig

a wig on ya hed.

hermione

phonetic shuffling of 'her on my knee'.

hogsmeade

ointment for the treatment of hogwarts.

Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

hogwarts

pustulating genital protuberences, transmissable through porcine interference (i.e. what happens when you f**k a pig).

horcrux

any street corner popular with ladies of the night.

hufflepuff

air biscuit.

kreacher

sound of coughing up an expecto patronus.

lumos

glowing fungus in the out-house.

lupin

spinnin.

mudblood

tainted transfusion.

padfoot

ankle bandage.

parceltongue

when you're snoggin' your girl and she gives you her cough lozenge.

platform 9 ^3/4

really big disco shoes.

portkey

how to open the liquor cabinet.

quidditch

inflamation of the groin caused by parceltonguing a horcrux.

scabbers

infectious hogwarts as passed from cedric to harry via cho. originating with hagrid/firenze.

sirius

not a joke.

sneakoscope

little mirrors on the tip of your sneakers for looking up witches robes. sort of thing percy weasley would use.

Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

tonks

you're wolcome.

veritaserum

a runny cheese.

wingardium leviosa

spray on cleanser used in elevators.

'Matt Casto' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 11:06:41 GMT, sez:

Nice. I don't mind the occasional off topic topics.

Tonks.

'Goran' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 11:20:16 GMT, sez:

A case of liff? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Meaning_of_Liff)

'AC' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 12:02:25 GMT, sez:

Very good!

'Simon' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 12:09:05 GMT, sez:

I thought of Liff too.

'Carl' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:47:59 GMT, sez:

Read over people's shoulders on the bus?!?!
Pull the other one, I think that you should just come clean and confess to standing in a queue overnight just to get your hands on a copy...

;o)

'lb' on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 21:21:05 GMT, sez:

>you should just come clean and confess to
>standing in a queue overnight just to get
>your hands on a copy

no! i let my wife buy it ;-)

she abandoned me for two days while she devoured it, and now i'm reading it.

i really do like the harry potter books. and i think that if someone read them and then didn't also love them -- i'd find that person to be very inhuman.

cheers. don't let the muggles get you down!
lb

'al' on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:36:07 GMT, sez:

Have you ever noticed that if you mentally swap the d in "wand" to a g, the book reads entirely differently?

'Raj Chaudhuri' on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 02:50:29 GMT, sez:

Bravo!

'Alternative Harry Potter Covers' on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:11:59 GMT, sez:

go here to get alternative covers for your copy of Harry Potter -- so that other people on the bus won't think you're a Big Girly Man Who Reads Poncey Books.

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/pottercovers.html

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