MS Word -- Executive Edition

Executives and CEOs lose hours every day formatting their documents.

And this sick trend is only growing worse.

Average Number of Executive Hours wasted messing with formatting per week

YearAverage # Wasted Hours per week
1997(0.5)
1998(1.0)
1999(1.3)
2000(5.9)
2001(6.5)
2002(6.8)
2003(8.1)
2004(14.3)

Documentosis Affects Everyone

All too often, office-johnnies and cubicle-janes are called upon by CEOs to rescue sick documents.

Moribund documents whose basic formatting has been tortured, corrupted and pillaged for the loathsome pleasure of a fiddling CEO.

Alignment, margins, layout, spelling, formatting: no property is safe from the tweakings of these control-freak apex-predators.

And just as vampirism predominates at night, so Documentosis builds to a climax in the hours that precede a board meeting.

But there is hope...

The new Executive Edition of Microsoft Word aims to address this disease.

MS Word Executive Edition provides the power your CEO needs for writing:

  • Mission Statements
  • Corporate Mottos
  • Memoranda

Without the gimmickry of:

  • Headers and footers
  • Print preview
  • Margins
  • 'bold', 'italic' and 'underlining'
  • Numbered lists
  • Spell check
  • Thesaurus
  • Tables
Too complex!

Once a CEO has completed her Executive Document, it can be emailed to a specialist trained to use the regular features of Word without causing Documentosis. The document specialist can then perform improve spelling, applying company templates and down-play egotistical statements.

Installing Executive Edition

Licensing restrictions mean that MS Word Executive Edition is only available for CEO's and top-level decision makers.

To install Executive Edition, execute this script:

   del "WinWord.exe"
   rename "Notepad.exe" "WinWord.exe"

(You'll have to work out the correct folder names for yourself)

Best of luck, office-johnnies and cubicle-janes!

[99% of these statistics are fictional]
[once again this is a joke-idea that i've begun to take seriously]
 

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