Hogwarts: an alternative dictionary.

(bit off topic this one.)

I've been reading over people's shoulders on the bus -- books today seem full of strange words I never learnt at school.

Here's some of the weirdest words i've noticed in the book most people are reading this week, and the definitions I've come up with to try and make sense of it all.

Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon
albus dumbledore
nick name for a person who, with elbows, stumbles into doors.
alohomora
hawaiian greeting.
avada kedavra
what it sounds like when you try to say abra cadabra with a mouth full of bertie bott's every flavour beans.
boggert
short sharp spell that makes you soil your pants.
crookshanks
the way richard nixon's jowls wobble when he denies involvement in watergate.
durmstrang
when you drop a guitar and it goes out of tune.
expecto patronum
an old man's cough syrup.
expelliarmus
violent, sudden emission.
gillyweed
what mrs weasley bakes into muffins to help her get through those endless meetings of the order of the phoenix.
grawp
a drunken fumble.
hedwig
a wig on ya hed.
hermione
phonetic shuffling of 'her on my knee'.
hogsmeade
ointment for the treatment of hogwarts.
Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon
hogwarts
pustulating genital protuberences, transmissable through porcine interference (i.e. what happens when you f**k a pig).
horcrux
any street corner popular with ladies of the night.
hufflepuff
air biscuit.
kreacher
sound of coughing up an expecto patronus.
lumos
glowing fungus in the out-house.
lupin
spinnin.
mudblood
tainted transfusion.
padfoot
ankle bandage.
parceltongue
when you're snoggin' your girl and she gives you her cough lozenge.
platform 9 3/4
really big disco shoes.
portkey
how to open the liquor cabinet.
quidditch
inflamation of the groin caused by parceltonguing a horcrux.
scabbers
infectious hogwarts as passed from cedric to harry via cho. originating with hagrid/firenze.
sirius
not a joke.
sneakoscope
little mirrors on the tip of your sneakers for looking up witches robes. sort of thing percy weasley would use.
Buy
'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon
tonks
you're wolcome.
veritaserum
a runny cheese.
wingardium leviosa
spray on cleanser used in elevators.
 

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