Not So Stunning Sentences

Here's an ironic little book advertisment I found at Amazon:

The en-dash is plain wrong (I'm certain the author would've used an em-dash), and a comma (or em-dash) is missing after the first 'or two' and I'd favour a hyphen in 'closely-related' (just personal preference there). But ouch! that elipsis sure saps the sentence of any residual Stun.

And even then, the sentence is particularly UN-STUNNING.

Here is the original:

MOST sentences should convey one idea-or two or two closely related ideas..."

While here is a far more STUNNING version:

Most sentences convey one idea, you poop-face.

Stunned? I know I am. Here's how I'd continue:

Some sentences convey two ideas, damn I like ice-cream.

See that? I'm telling a story and demonstrating it all at once. Then I'd finish like this:

And some sentences convey two closely-related ideas, like a snug pair of breasts or a sweaty set of testicles.

Pow! Whammo! Stun Plus Plus!

I've really gotta write a book on grammmer, one o' these days.


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(By the way, I read every comment and often respond.)

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