Court Fines Microsoft over Anti-Competitive Calculator

The EU has ruled that by bundling a calculator with their popular operating system, Microsoft has clearly engaged in anti-competitive behaviour.

The Association of Independent Manufacturers of Calculator Software has been awarded $600 million to make up for profits they have lost due to Microsoft's evil, vindictive and clearly satanic practice.

The anti-competitive calculator.

In a related case, the McDonalds chain of restaurants has been fined $8 billion for allowing salt satchels to be given away with their meals. The Anti-Competitive-Practices League complained that the 'free' salt satchels made it virtually impossible for small traders to continue to walk from restaurant to restaurant selling their own hand-crafted satchels of salt to customers, resulting in less choice of salt for consumers.

And clothing retailer Target has been fined $57 billion for including buttons on shirts. The EU has ruled that by bundling buttons on shirts, it has become virtually impossible for independent button retailers to entice customers into purchasing buttons crafted by independent conglomerates. Target was further criticised for not including instructions on how to remove buttons from garments.

In a similar case, Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, has been sued because evolution has led people's bodies to come pre-bundled with arms and legs, thus restricting the trade of prosthetic limbs. The American Association Of Plastic Arms and Legs has been awarded over $50 billion for lost profit caused by natural selection's clearly monopolistic behaviour.

Consumers were thrilled with the results as they would now have to pay more for everything and will finally have a full choice of salt.

That's my misinformed rant for the day. All legal actions mentioned in this article are fictional. No lawyers were hurt during the writing of this rant.

 

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