How to be depressed
A quick guide to getting less out of life
Depression is so very easy to achieve
You may think that depression is difficult; that it relies upon tricky chemical imbalances in the brain, that it requires a genetic predisposition, or an intensely traumatic childhood.
Not at all! Depression can work for anyone. Even a bright, thoughtful, well-meaning soul like you!
And it doesn't take a lot of hard work. It's one of the easiest things imaginable. You can lay the foundations for depression with just a few minutes work each day.
Evolution has given human beings an amazing intellectual faculty coupled with an incredible ability to adapt to any environment. These talents allow us to make the best of perilous situations, to turn adversity into triumph and to survive even when all the odds suggest otherwise.
But the magic doesn't stop there. These very same talents can be converted into a weapon against ourselves, allowing us to transform any situation into a reason to feel like crap, to put ourselves down, and to drink deeply from the bitter well of despair.
The trick is to apply negative transformations to all of your experiences, and to apply these negative transformations so often that they become automatic.
This way madness lies...
Let's look at self-destructive thoughts in detail. Here are some particular thought-patterns that have had brilliant results in helping millions of people feel worthless, since time immemorial:
- Everything is pass/fail
- I can read minds!
- I can read the future, and see the whole world!
- Let's apply a label!
- If I feel bad, I am bad
- I should do this, I should do that!
- I'm responsible for everything
- Bad things are worth extra points
- Good things are worth less points
- Good things are actually bad things
These thought patterns are classic cases of "cognitive distortions" and I've based them on the work of two doctors, David D. Burns and Aaron T. Beck. You can read an excellent book by David D. Burns called 'Feeling Good', but it may actually stop you from being depressed. It will probably even have long-term benefits.
Burns and Beck were remarkable doctors who directly helped thousands of people to overcome depression, and through their pioneering work on 'Cognitive Therapy' they saved millions of people from depression. Now on the surface you may think it sounds like Burns and Beck were good people. And you may be a little cheered up to think that such good exists in this world. But no. I intend to teach you about depression. And we're going to start our depressing lessons by applying the most depressing rule of all, rule number 10: Good things are actually bad things.
So let's use this fabulous 'reverse alchemy' to turn Burns and Beck from heroes into villains.
While their work appears to have had a net positive gain for all of humanity, we happen to live in a complicated universe where every act has both good and bad consequences. By curing people of depression without using traditional anti-depressants, the 'good' Doctors must have caused some measurable financial short falls within pharmaceutical companies. This would in turn have caused some employees to either lose their jobs or have their pay reduced. And this must have caused financial hardship for the former employees and their families. It's possible that some of these unemployed workers felt despondent and started to drink more alcohol than they had previously. And this may have caused them to beat their wives, who may have ended up depressed themselves, and even turned to harder drugs, such as heroin, in a futile attempt to cope with their violent home life. In a short time, a heroin dependency may have led to homelessness and a life of prostitution and petty crime.
So before we go patting Doctors Burns and Beck on the back, let's remember that they were fundamentally wife-beating alcoholic junky-pimp criminals who left a trail of misery and despair in their wake!
Thank you rule number 10! This 'reverse alchemy' stuff is really very simple. But rule 10 is the ultimate, and the trickiest cognitive distortion of all. Let's go back and look at some of the simpler techniques for feeling blue.
1. Everything is pass/fail.
While writing this article I think to myself:
Hmmm, I hope that a few people read it and enjoy it.
But no, that isn't quite a pass/fail statement, so let me revise it a little:
Unless five hundred people read this article, I have failed. Unless thirty people leave comments, I have failed. Unless it is linked to by forty other blogs, I have failed. Unless it is still being linked to by other blogs in six months' time, I have failed. Unless it is so brilliant that I am spontaneously contacted by Penguin publishing, who beg me to convert the article into a short and satirical self-help book that goes on to sell six million copies, then I have failed. And failed bitterly. I really suck. I do.
Like all ten distortions, this pass/fail attitude serves only to help you become depressed. It has no positive side-effects whatsoever. So go ahead and incorporate it into your life: I guarantee you will feel sorry!
2. I can read minds.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend on the telephone whom I hadn't spoken to in a while. I don't really know what he's been up to or what he's thinking, but if I intend to be depressed I should have a stab at reading his thoughts. So here goes!
He must be thinking:
Why is this idiot calling me all of a sudden? What does he want? He was annoying last time I spoke to him! He thinks his jokes are so damn funny! He's just a jerk! I've got better things to do than talk to him. I don't really need to waste my time with this loser!
It's a good thing that the power of depression allows me to read minds. Because if I was to instead evaluate the conversation at face value, I would probably notice a lot of undepressing thoughts that I was thinking such as:
He sure sounded happy to hear from me, and though I felt a little anxious, it was very easy to talk to him. No wonder we've been good friends for years.
3. I can read the future and see the whole world.
The mathematical theory of chaos, and the phenomenon of 'sensitive dependence on initial conditions' demonstrate how truly impossible it is to read the future. But don't let hard science or common-sense stand in the way of predictions of catastrophe, doom and horror.
For example, when you have a few moments of despair you must quickly extrapolate them into a lifetime of agony. If you feel down for ten minutes, learn to automatically tell yourself:
Well, that's it for me. I'll be depressed forever now. Everything is hopeless. The fog will never lift.
If one person does one negative thing to you, translate this into a lifetime of persecution in a cruel world of terror and hatred. For example, if the bus driver seems gruff when he hands you change for your bus ticket, say to yourself:
Typical. He can see I'm a bad person. In a world of bad people. No one likes helping anyone. This world is filled with hate.
4. Let's apply a label!
Labels can stop common-sense in its tracks! They're perhaps the most powerful tool in our depression-pack, and oh-so versatile. We can apply them to people around us, and for added sadness we can apply them to ourselves as well!
When I kick my toe against a chair I can label myself a "clumsy fool". Of course, by doing this I am ignoring the millions of time I have failed to kick my toe against a chair. I am selecting that one slip up, giving it special treatment and using it to transform my entire image of my self. It's unfair, but it's good at making me sad.
When someone cuts me off in traffic, I can label them an "utter prick". Never mind that I know nothing else about them. That they probably don't spend all of their waking lives cutting people off in traffic. If I succeed in labelling them a prick, then I've proven my ability to apply pass/fail principles to the things around me, and you just wait and see how easy it will be for me to feel frustrated and upset with life itself!
My desk is messy -- therefore I'm a messy person. There's a speck of dirt on the floor. Therefore the house is a pigsty and I'm crap at housework.
5. If I feel bad, I am bad!
This is also known as emotional reasoning and relies on the sort of logical flaw that Lewis Carrol packed into 'Alice in Wonderland'. A classic emotional statement is "I feel guilty therefore I am guilty." Keep following that line of thought and you'll invent something to feel guilty about.
6. I "should" do this, I "should" do that!
Not feeling exhausted and despondent? You really should!
Turn up the pressure! Aim too high! You'll soon be surrounded by a sticky fog of inadequacy.
Consider using this popular phrase, as a powerful depressant:
But I should
be happy the entire
Here's a great 'should' statement that could make even the most successful people feel like they've achieved nothing:
By age thirty, Alexander the Great had taken control of the entire world. What have I done? Nothing! I should've achieved something great by now.
These unfair comparisons are a never ending source of sad. Try combining a lot of them together. For example:
I wish I had the intelligence of Einstein, the spirituality of Gandhi, the leadership skills of Nelson Mandela, the strength of Arnold Schwarzenagger, the comedic skills of Woody Allen, the artistic talent of Michelangelo, the creativity of Leonardo DaVinci, the funk-power of James Brown, the sex appeal of Danny Devito...
You can use this string of improbable desires to build into one truly impossible desire! Get Down!
7. I'm responsible for everything
Imagine that two friends of yours just got a divorce. In case it never occurred to you, let me tell you now: that's actually your fault.
Okay, common sense might tell you that they are adults, in control of their own lives. At best you've got no more than a very tiny ability to influence them at all. But according to rule number 7, you are responsible for everything. Everything bad, anyway. You forced them apart. You let them down. If you had only been there a little more often, if you'd only said the right thing at the right time, then they'd have made it through. It's your fault! And yours alone!
8. Bad things are worth extra points
Imagine you are playing a game of football against a fairly strong team. You're playing hard, and fairly well matched, but there is one little difference. Every time they score against you, you don't give them just one point. You give them ten points. Or a hundred points. Or a thousand points. Try defeating that team, loser!
And so it is, if you want your bad thoughts to defeat you.
Every bad thing that happens can be multiplied by a factor of at least one thousand.
It's possible effects on your life are very high indeed. The universe has some innate way of knowing which incidents are bad, and can guarantee that they will occur again and again and again. In fact, it's only the bad things that are real. If you want to, you can dwell on the negative events. Replay them in your mind over and over.
9. Good things are worth less points
Good things must be attenuated down until they are almost non-existent.
Okay, someone said something nice about you. Quickly respond with 'it was nothing really', or 'never mind, that's okay'. Tell yourself 'they're just saying that.' Don't give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.
Crush the positive. Cherish the negative.
10. Good things are actually bad things
And yes, the strongest alchemy of all is the ability to turn the positive right around and make it negative. It's a simple trick and anyone can master it. Your friend won a million dollars? That's bad, because now they won't need you anymore. And you feel jealous about it, which proves you are a bad person. What's good is bad and what's bad is bad.
Maybe you've already got some naturally ability at the above things without me telling you how. If so, I am impressed! But don't get too smug, fathead.
When you've succeeded at becoming depressed, don't think that your work is done. If you stop thinking distorted negative thoughts, your depression could lift quite suddenly. If you seek help, you could be surprised to find that modern therapy has startling capabilities of reducing and overcoming depression.
Remember to keep telling yourself: "I am that one rare individual who is beyond help." This statement, though obviously ludicrous when written down or said out loud, can be very easy to believe if you just let it rattle around inside your brain for long enough.
Regular exercise, such as a little walk in the morning, can help clear your mind of negative thoughts. So stay inside and mope by all means. Don't even get out of bed.
By recognising the negative things you tell yourself, and particularly by writing them down, you can learn to control them or even stop them. Be warned: this alone may trigger an immediate and lasting easing of your depression.
But if you encourage negative distortions, if you let them continue and if you do nothing to stop them, these negative thoughts will almost definitely succeed in ruling your every action. Such is the self-fulfilling power of negativity.
By applying the principles outlined above, you can look forward to a long life of sadness and despair. Best of luck!
secretGeek recommends:Feeling Good, by Dr David Burns
Are you wondering: why is this article so damn sarcastic?
Well, I trust the audience of this blog are able to understand when I'm being ironic. You've astounded me in the past by generally being able to see what is done for humorous effect and what is serious.
But in case you've missed the point of this article, let me point it out clearly now: Depression is Not Fun. You don't want to be depressed. There's nothing amusing about it. The feeling of overcoming it, however, is damn sweet. If you tend to feel blue at times, please take some little steps to help yourself. I guarantee you that it's worth it. That you are worth it. If you can't see that right now, that's cool. You will understand when you're feeling better.
Credit: The 'sad dog' picture above was taken by 'hughredcanary', and I found it at morguefile.
'mike' on Sun, 10 Oct 2004 12:33:00 GMT, sez:
Boy, Leon, this is a really good post. This is a much better post than I could ever write. I'll never be able to write a blog post this good, ever. I'm just a bad blogger, I guess. Between this and your "You are not inadequate" essay, you're probably going to help a lot of people feel good about themselves. Better than I ever will. Then they'll be really happy, happier than I could ever be. And productive, too, so they'll probably accomplish a lot more than I ever could. And they're a lot younger than I am! Boy, now I'll feel bad. Probably forever.
'Corey' on Sun, 10 Oct 2004 13:59:34 GMT, sez:
I was going to respond, but Mike beat me to it. He always beats me to it. First, I read a great blog entry (much better than any rambling, unthought-out jibber-jabber that I've written on my blog), then a funny comment by a guy who always seems to leave funnier comments than I do. I'm just a hack that copies everybody, always second dog.
'leon' on Mon, 11 Oct 2004 07:23:25 GMT, sez:
mike and corey -- you guys are getting the hang of this depression thing real quick.
sorry to disappoint you both, though: you made me laugh my arse off.
'Angus' on Mon, 11 Oct 2004 08:40:22 GMT, sez:
Geeze - i hope you don't get like this every time you go on holidays - X'mas with you would suck.
'Steve Freeman' on Mon, 11 Oct 2004 21:17:22 GMT, sez:
Good post. This is an important topic and, I think, an occupational hazard for our industry -- given that we live in our heads so much.
'Andrew Green' on Thu, 14 Oct 2004 02:14:16 GMT, sez:
Thanks for the Sandman routine, Leon.
'Matthew Martin' on Mon, 18 Oct 2004 12:51:08 GMT, sez:
Depressing thoughts are the viruses, malware and spyware of the human mind. Maybe norton will release something to deal with this someday.
'Farmer Jeb' on Mon, 25 Oct 2004 04:53:57 GMT, sez:
Why is it 15 days since you last posted a topic?! What have you been in New Zealand or something?!
'Peachey' on Mon, 01 Nov 2004 03:03:22 GMT, sez:
heheheh this is gold :)
and nicely written out :P
(heh i read the legal thingy)
(dont know why though, i usually dont)
'Andy Gaskell' on Tue, 16 Nov 2004 00:11:17 GMT, sez:
Great post. Subscribed.
'http://' on Sun, 03 Apr 2005 21:06:17 GMT, sez:
'FROO' on Thu, 07 Apr 2005 06:36:20 GMT, sez:
You are obviously one of the "great minds of Redmond" out there.
Us poor folk simply bang our heads against the screen trying to figure out the vagaries of that nightmarish product Crystal Suck-Ass reports.
'CrashCore' on Sat, 23 Apr 2005 00:07:27 GMT, sez:
Halarious, yet serious. 8D
I read the legal bit, and I have decided to print these posts out and use them as toilet paper.
'Heath' on Wed, 22 Jun 2005 15:44:02 GMT, sez:
My husband sent me the link to this article. Do you think he's trying to tell me something? Obviously he has noticed me reading minds and taking responsibility for everything. Damn! I have to work on hiding that better!
Thanks for the laugh Leon, the rain today almost got me down!
'AM' on Sun, 26 Jun 2005 04:34:01 GMT, sez:
Thanks.It's the morning after.
'matthew' on Tue, 28 Jun 2005 20:56:11 GMT, sez:
Great to see you making a game out of it...
Life can be very boring. Spice it up and keep it interesting, I say!!
'BOBvTHE CODER' on Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:34:14 GMT, sez:
Sorry, realise this was article was written some time ago, but only just stumbled upon it as I'm in New Zealand. Arrived here by accident, so please reduce your page hit counter by 1 as I didn't actually read it.
'tabby' on Mon, 29 Aug 2005 10:18:10 GMT, sez:
hey, that was a funny one. it was even more funny wen i realsied that i do all those things all the time, lol. but it isnt that easy to break the habit. it takes 30 days to break or make a habit, and even longer wen u dont noe how to break it. neway, i just crusing the net and happened to find this site...so yea.
'Amwthyst' on Tue, 08 Nov 2005 22:29:26 GMT, sez:
LOL this was... is...very very entertaining. ^-^ and you know what? Depression is easy. overcoming it is the hard part :P
'Amethyst cant type' on Tue, 08 Nov 2005 22:29:59 GMT, sez:
'shrinkwrapped' on Mon, 28 Nov 2005 17:14:39 GMT, sez:
omg, this is wonderful! Absolutely fantastic, cheeky, and oh so true. I'm a clinical psychologist - admire and use the work of Burns and Beck - and love what you have done with their ideas!
If we step back and look at our own behavior, we can find the humor, and take self and life a little less seriously, which does leave all the more room for enjoyment, or alternatively, a pissy mood!
'sherry ' on Wed, 18 Jan 2006 18:35:30 GMT, sez:
My husband has had trouable keeping employment sence he was layed off a job 2 years ago he works at a job for a short time then saids he can not do the work it is to hard or he just can not learn what it is that he suppose to do I am tired of being the only one to support us if I am sick I have to work we are both in our 50 then he gets depressed and I feel bad what can I do
'leon' on Wed, 18 Jan 2006 19:48:27 GMT, sez:
it sounds like the situation is pretty bad at the moment.
i recommend the book 'feeling good' by Doctor David Burns -- but also, it would be great if you could talk to a doctor (any doctor would be a great start) or a counsellor.
getting laid off is terrible, but it doesn't automatically mean you have to end up unhappy.
if eh can take small steps to help himself -- like seeing a doctor or reading a relevant book, then he'll be headed in the right direction. it will take some effort, of course -- but everything worth having takes some effort. (Marriage, for example!)
best of luck!
'_KTX' on Mon, 13 Mar 2006 05:11:31 GMT, sez:
i like this one especially, would you give me the permission to translate it to german?
'xeroatticus' on Mon, 20 Mar 2006 21:23:53 GMT, sez:
This is truly an amazing article. If I knew you wrote this in real life, I'd give you a big hug and make you feel better.
'El Idiota' on Sun, 26 Mar 2006 23:29:10 GMT, sez:
You don't spell very well either.
'Jon' on Mon, 27 Mar 2006 09:43:16 GMT, sez:
Great article. Nice to see these things (that are so easy to not notice once you're used to them) dealt with in a different way to normal - which has already just helped to jlot me out of the current rut.
'dizzley' on Mon, 27 Mar 2006 12:44:48 GMT, sez:
Now I'm so depressed.
- That's it, I lose.
- I KNEW you were going to write this.
- Now everyone will know how I failed at being depressed.
- I'm a true idiot.
- It's what I deserve for being like this.
- It's REALLY bad that you put this stuff together.
Now THAT's better. I'm not going out to face the world.
'Rob' on Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:16:07 GMT, sez:
Leon, I quite agree with your comments. A good post.
I'm currently coming out of depression (which is great) and so many of your comments rang bells from when I was very down.
I currently go to counselling / therapy and it's great, it really helps and goes to reinforce what you said in the post. In the UK we call it transactodional therapy for those who want to google it.
The main thing I think is that you have to keep reminding yourself of the positives even when you are feeling low and realise that you can't feel 100% all the time. Don't get yourself in the nasty spiral of self woe when you don't feel 100%, get out and do something. I think you almost have to slap yourself round the face and remember the good things about you.
There's some words from a Madonna song 'hung up' which says quite a lot to me 'those who run seem to have all the fun'.
'Paul' on Tue, 28 Mar 2006 23:40:22 GMT, sez:
Thanks mate. Top effort. Add Dorothy Rowe to the list of sensible authors. I know it looks funny on the surface, but this type of thinking really does rob a person of the ability to realise their full potential. I'm into TTITing and TWATing. Them That Is They and They Who Are Them are so easily found. Along with the Absolute Cosmic Truth Formula; E = m ex (Everything = my expectations) we learn to hate, fear and withdraw from the world. All the time blaming others. Bonus!!
Yet in reality it's this vulnerability in humans that's exploited by "Victim" of crime advocates. The fact the universal formula failed them-as it must in a random/unpredictable world- seems to give them a licence to convince (already grieving) family members and crime "victims" that unless "we" do something, "these type of people" will "do this to someone else". Thus the new "victim" feels responsible for "saving" an unpredictable future (an impossible task), and the victim advocates continue the self-fullfilling prophecy; filling our jails with pot smokers/drunk drivers because they wish to punish themselves for not preventing a totally random unpredictable event effecting them or a loved one, many, many years before.
No wonder depression will be the developed worlds leading disease in 14 years (2020).
'lb' on Tue, 28 Mar 2006 23:53:13 GMT, sez:
Thanks for all the feedback of late!
'hb' on Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:03:35 GMT, sez:
Thanks. I've been feeling many of these feelings for soooo long, and I actually got mad reading this because it made me want to laugh at myself and then I realized I couldn't because that might actually make me feel good and that's something I'm just not comfortable with.
'M' on Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:26:10 GMT, sez:
I find this offensive.
'Jenny' on Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:28:14 GMT, sez:
The article is actually meant to be ironic. There's a note to that effect near the end.
'Henry' on Tue, 11 Apr 2006 09:36:55 GMT, sez:
Being depressed at the moment and suffering from an anxiety disorder and getting treatment for it, this was such a useful page- it really just boosted me at a moment when I wasn't feeling too great. I'm about to put it into my favourites. It says all the things my counseller said to me about life and really makes me feel a lot better- the all or nothing thinking section is particularly good. Thank you so much.
'Merlin' on Thu, 04 May 2006 18:44:38 GMT, sez:
Thanks again, you really made me happy for the second time. Having read you "You are not inadequate" post before, I felt good, but now I feel GREAT. Having suffered from a weak form of "neurologic" depression myself (the tricky chemical imbalances stuff, you know :)), I can distinct this one very well from the "home-made" kind of depression you are talking about. And even though your post is quite ironic, it absolutely hits the spot. You managed to get things to the point, better than half the dozen of therapists I wore out. Deep respect.
'Landon' on Wed, 10 May 2006 15:36:53 GMT, sez:
I think you should be careful. If readers just read only the sacrastic part, and not where you tell them that it's a joke, then they'll have it in their heads that they SHOULD feel like cow shit. You shut have placed it in the beginning, but hey, those articles were funny. I was kinda doing all that stuff already, before i wrote it. I'm big time depressed. I do need help.
'penny' on Tue, 23 May 2006 02:18:44 GMT, sez:
how wonderfully inspiring! i feel armed with the tools to beat that voice in my head!
ive never read one of these blog things before, quite ironic that this is my first. well done on the light upbeat delivery! it really pulled it off.
'lb' on Tue, 23 May 2006 02:30:59 GMT, sez:
thanks penny :-)
'on top of the friggin world!!!' on Sat, 10 Jun 2006 13:42:19 GMT, sez:
i am not on the top of the world, not yet... i felt i may be taken more seriously if i entered with a resounding BOOM... but if i can eradicate the demons that keep me tethered to the itchy anvil of depression then just maybe i'll feel some elation, some sense of place and a tickle of invincibility... until then i'll reread this blog and stay hopelessy with others of my own ilk who watch day drag by with only that circling, cycling thought... 'what if...'
'bhfrmga' on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 01:23:36 GMT, sez:
stumbled upon your site through stumbleupon.com. It's great, just what I needed to read to get out of my 'pity party'.
'lb' on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 01:26:46 GMT, sez:
>"Pity Party" -- good one ;-)
best of luck 'bhfrmga'!
'A depressed guy' on Sat, 08 Jul 2006 03:34:11 GMT, sez:
This article has nothing but truth and written as if the author has felt it all himself
'Shrieky' on Sat, 12 Aug 2006 23:56:44 GMT, sez:
Fantastic job. So fantastic, that I am sitting here thinking that I suck for not writing this first.
Ha! You have taught me well.
'Sharon' on Tue, 15 Aug 2006 23:30:18 GMT, sez:
Hey this is really good! Thankyou for writing it. I was feeling a bit down when I read it (and asking myself, why is it that I keep getting so close to be depressed again?) I started taking an antidepressant awhile ago, and I thought i was doing fine until I lost my job! So I guess what I am saying is, this is a good post for REAL people too! I think that if you wrote a book like this, it may actually be more effective for certain people (like me?) then the regular self help depression books. It's really funny and a great laugh (alawys a postive in depression!) but also, at least for me, it made me see how ridiculous some of my thoughts are! 1, 4, 6, 8... I follow those! (and seeing them in words is like....what AM i Thinking?)
If you were to publish a book, I would be amoung the first to buy it!!
'Suikoden26' on Tue, 29 Aug 2006 09:54:35 GMT, sez:
'What was I thinking' on Wed, 20 Sep 2006 15:18:14 GMT, sez:
Thanks for this post. For the first time ever I was able to laugh at myself instead of put myself down. I've bookmarked this one and will keep reading it as a reminder of how this type of thinking doesn't do me or anyone around me any good.
'guy' on Sun, 01 Oct 2006 23:24:45 GMT, sez:
very good, thanks for writing it, well done
'Fábio' on Thu, 12 Oct 2006 14:21:00 GMT, sez:
I thank you for the excellent article. =)
'Sina' on Sat, 04 Nov 2006 20:22:56 GMT, sez:
[oh my God I'm so crap, it's been 15 minutes I'm trying to write a comment. I don't usually write comments, cause I'm scared of what people think, but I should write something here...]
It is well-written and funny. Instead of aiming too high I need to work hard.
[I'm just about to 'Submit' and run out of my room to kitchen to drink a glass of water]
'Marc' on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:16:21 GMT, sez:
I will never amount to anything, I can't even read an article and post first without failing.
I have no idea what I'm to do with my life. Posting on an article is sad, but not even eligable to post first or be in the top 3. I have failed everyone I know. I'm not worth it.
I am probably going to look like an imitator because other people have also posted depressing comments. I am a faliure. I am a "stupid poster" I feel really bad now. This hell will not fall.
'lb' on Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:19:58 GMT, sez:
top work marc! that's the best in ages.
i mean... worst. of course ;-)
'x' on Sat, 25 Nov 2006 22:02:48 GMT, sez:
I couldn't be bothered to wr
'Marc' on Mon, 04 Dec 2006 01:29:45 GMT, sez:
Top work? Hah. No need to lie to me and just see how far you can get with this of course it's the worst work ever, I mean, what else is there that anyone could to worse, if it's something tremendously bad, then you automatically know who it is - me. Thanks alot
lb you just reminded me of who I really am and how bad of a person I am. At least you can do something good.
'http://' on Tue, 05 Dec 2006 05:26:23 GMT, sez:
That is all full of shit but im sure this wont be posted cause u guys only post what u want people to see. depression is a very serious condition
'Judy' on Mon, 08 Jan 2007 03:27:26 GMT, sez:
Absolutely wonderfully written. I needed to read this WITH the sarcasm.
I hope to experience this awesome feeling you speak of in the non-sarcasm and evidently serious 'fine print' section of your post when I lift this cloud.
'Matt??' on Tue, 16 Jan 2007 16:35:14 GMT, sez:
Great way to inform the depressed!!!
'Dr.Hend' on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 13:11:32 GMT, sez:
Listen my son your personality show the presence of prominent depressive symptoms. It is advised to seek a psychiatric consultation,
'shiha' on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 02:14:14 GMT, sez:
it was awesum. just enough witty to make a part-time depressionist ,take a good look at the mirror. thank u very much .
'Goodguy' on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 08:50:02 GMT, sez:
Excellent site. Thanks for making it, it heleped me a lot, seeing things a bit better.
'mary' on Sat, 24 Mar 2007 05:46:47 GMT, sez:
I'm still depressed. Can't find my way out.
'jstapinprick' on Fri, 30 Mar 2007 14:58:39 GMT, sez:
Heaven sent really . . . oh, the sun is out. I just noticed it.
'frownytoad' on Mon, 02 Apr 2007 13:41:39 GMT, sez:
Yo Leon. Bloggers are calling you that so it must be your name...
So. There's nothing I can say to express myself really because I got this giddy feeling reading your post, and I haven't experienced it in a while, don't know what it is - but it'll pass right? It sure feels uncomfortable, it's like fresh air. Yuck.
'lb' on Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:41:15 GMT, sez:
Thanks guys. Keep your chins up.
The main idea behind cognitive therapy is that your thoughts and actions are a crucial part of the depression cycle.
Even if you have 'predisposing factors' like genetics or chemicals or a bad childhood -- the depression itself can be controlled and eventually eliminated, if you get help with "the things you tell yourself".
So don't let predisposing factors be an excuse. Start identifying the things you tell yourself. Then identify what distortions there are in those thoughts, and try to come up with a less distorted thought. Be nice to yourself. Seek help from professionals. Read good books. Exercise a little or a lot.
'iamabanana' on Tue, 24 Apr 2007 08:53:44 GMT, sez:
are you a drain or a radiator? that's true psychology
'me' on Tue, 01 May 2007 21:34:54 GMT, sez:
i am sad, i know i am clinically depressed. i had a bad day. life would be so could if you could just take breaks when you have bad days.. but instead i have homework, school, and sports, and it makes me worst
'Random person' on Fri, 11 May 2007 15:17:51 GMT, sez:
Your post is really well written.I read it when i was feeling a bit down but it really did help me.
'Stubes Letcher' on Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:11:17 GMT, sez:
Thanks that was nice. Good work.
'james' on Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:38:57 GMT, sez:
what do you mean nobody wants to be depressed? why do you think i searched for how to make yourself depressed? whatever, i hate how you think you are being funny or witty with your sarcasm. it is neither, so just pull this page from the internet. nobody wants to read something from a sarcastic... person, such as yourself.
'jean ellen' on Tue, 10 Jul 2007 22:59:53 GMT, sez:
Finally - someone who dares to throw something other than drugs at the situation. Poor coping methods and thought patterns are a core issue in depression and do need to be addressed. It may not be the complete fix, but it has to be a central part of the equation. Thank you!
'mariah' on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:33:05 GMT, sez:
this is bull shit. some people are actually depressed and need help and your teaching them how to be? what ever fucking retard wrote this is an asshole.
'JB' on Tue, 17 Jul 2007 02:50:09 GMT, sez:
This is great stuff. It made me feel a thousand times better after realizing I do all of these things when I'm feeling depressed. You really helped me out just now, so thank you to whoever wrote this.
'mmcr' on Sun, 12 Aug 2007 21:15:10 GMT, sez:
this is bull shit! y the hell would you teach someone to be depressed. whoever worte this is an asshol. depression isnt something to fuck around with.and if what some asshole wrote about something they have no cule about can make you "feel better" you aren't depressed. cuz depression isnt something that just goes tyhat easily
'some guy' on Fri, 21 Sep 2007 23:52:25 GMT, sez:
Thanks for this great post. I printed this off 2 years ago and hung it in my cube. Wish I would have paid a little better attention to it though and I wouldn't have been diagnosed with depression!!!
Thanks for giving me hope!
'fat_lazy_depressed_guy' on Fri, 05 Oct 2007 00:07:02 GMT, sez:
I can't even bring myself to comment. I've apparently learned the lessons all too well. It's just not worth responding. Even if I respond, nobody is going to listen to what I have to say. It's probably because I'm too fat...or lazy...maybe it's the lazy thing.
'Lochan' on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 09:27:11 GMT, sez:
Jeez, you did better on this than I possibly could've!
The human mind, hmm.
'Lochan' on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 09:34:41 GMT, sez:
Oh, I didn't go through all the comments on this one.
For those thoughtful enough to label this stuff "bullshit", you're damn right you are! Think of it as anything, and it will be that -- Sooner or later.
Depression's just an over-rated habit. Suit yourself guys.
'MidoriRojyo' on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:05:59 GMT, sez:
Wow, I actually think like this, I'm laughing so hard I'm in stitches, kekeke. So... umm... but... since being depressed is how I amuse myself I don't see it as something ill stop, regardless of where it takes me!
'acanadiangirl' on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 02:46:41 GMT, sez:
thank u to whoever you are who wrote this: There's a difference in writing about depression, and someone who is writing about depression to try to cheer someone up who is depressed. Thanks again for cheering me up and I will get better!
'happy_BE_NOT' on Sun, 06 Jan 2008 15:50:27 GMT, sez:
ok I like this artical a good depressing book to read is 13 reasons why... I am so fat
'don't worry, be happy' on Sat, 02 Feb 2008 02:00:44 GMT, sez:
"So don't let predisposing factors be an excuse. Start identifying the things you tell yourself. Then identify what distortions there are in those thoughts, and try to come up with a less distorted thought. Be nice to yourself. Seek help from professionals. Read good books. Exercise a little or a lot."
Wow... what a helpful website, and particularly this comment. I can't thank you enough. I have been in a rut for 3 years and feel myself getting ready to come out (in more ways than 1).
To anyone depressed out there, you're not alone. Please take to heart the advice given on this page. What particularly helped me was the 3-step bit about: writing down a thought, writing down a distortion that exists in the thought, coming up with a revised thought that takes away the distortion.
'Rustin' on Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:42:22 GMT, sez:
Awesome perspective on those nasty little negative thoughts we've all entertained. Great way to rip em up with logic. Who Hooo, Feelin Betta
'Brandon' on Wed, 14 May 2008 13:29:51 GMT, sez:
well done sir! I've been studying Cognitive Therapy for quite some time now, and I must tell you, I really like the sarcastic approach, that was very well done!
'dan' on Fri, 16 May 2008 15:26:29 GMT, sez:
your article really cheered me up. it is a perfect satire of self-help, while at the same time being an ironic exercise of the very same genre! i often come back to your article and re-read it once or twice to head off negative thoughts i know are just brewing under the service.
thanks a lot for your work!
'Patrick' on Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:13:43 GMT, sez:
Thank you for giving.
'Rucha' on Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:25:35 GMT, sez:
Your article is genuinely funny and helpful. I was laughing at myself while reading it. I feel better already! And the most important thing of all is, I don't feel guilty about feeling bad now.
Well done! :)
'lb' on Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:29:08 GMT, sez:
@Rucha and Patrick:
Thanks a lot!
Well said Rucha: no need to feel guilty about feeling bad.
'Rolo' on Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:02:01 GMT, sez:
lmao...Truth be told I was feeling like absolute shit before I read this. Awesome article, funny and had just enough poking satire to make me see how silly being upset over small stuff is.
'Bulimia treatment' on Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:53:15 GMT, sez:
There is nothing more painful than depression. I am saying that because I know it from different cases when because of depression other disease were started. Everything starts from the brain. So, they way you think and the more stressed you are the more possibilities of getting ill there are.
'ssdf' on Sat, 09 May 2009 06:41:28 GMT, sez:
docs put me on a buncha pills that had horrible side effects, hard to ignore my facial deformities, try again
'yelinna' on Sat, 25 Jul 2009 02:12:12 GMT, sez:
This is really helpful, thanks a lot. I must start to say to myself that it's not my fault and all is in my mind. Many bad thoughts are unreal.
'Su' on Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:50:15 GMT, sez:
I wish I could have laughed at this witty, well thought out article. But the written word is just too simplistic and far away from the real experience. You just can't really place 'experience' in words. Thing is, my depression may have lifted - but I haven't gotten rid of the dysfunctional 'me'. What do you do about comorbidity with things like bipolar and OCD? And it may or may not be such and such....
'Mickey Rourke' on Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:55:10 GMT, sez:
I guess it would be nice to have the intelligence of Einstein, the spirituality of Gandhi and the leadership skills of Nelson Mandela, but I'm not sure about the sex appeal of Danny Devito...
'Rira' on Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:38:34 GMT, sez:
Yes, it's too painful, it's like you are fighting yourself by yourself, to survive, I feel ill, weak, painful, I feel like realy i need true help! I never had depression!!!. Yes everything starts from the brain I do agree, since it's started 1st when My family and I mooved to a new home, and after that by mistake I saw an horror movie, which kept in my mind, and worse every thing I read or word about this subject it getting worse, till I see nightmares and cant get to sleep!! it's seems like my body beleiving my brain! how can get red of it , pls help
'Paul' on Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:16:39 GMT, sez:
Rira - That horror movie didn't happen to be called "The Messengers" by any chance? I recently saw it too & wondered whether I should have watched it.
Anyway, I see I've used all of them (1 - 10) & did a very good job at it too! Oh, I feel so much better.
'Donna' on Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:56:32 GMT, sez:
this may help someone with mild depression
but do not believe it would help much with
'Donna' on Wed, 02 Jun 2010 22:08:07 GMT, sez:
I read the book and it did help with minor depression beside it CBT is still pouplar today
I think it would have been found not helpful
by now if it was of no uses.
'alice' on Wed, 07 Jul 2010 05:56:23 GMT, sez:
uh... no actually depression is a medical thing... hence medication... and also because it can be genetic...adn it's slightly disheartening to click over here and listen to you say or depression is simple and easy to get rid of......
'Freud Follower' on Mon, 24 Oct 2011 19:49:01 GMT, sez:
Numerous studies worldwide have shown that depression, like cardiovascular disease, is the most common disease of our time. This is an emotional disorder, which affects millions of people. According to various researchers, suffers from depression up to 20% of the population in developed countries.
'~*Julz*~' on Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:29:53 GMT, sez:
this just made realize how worthless and stupid I actually am >.<
'R' on Tue, 17 Jan 2012 15:33:07 GMT, sez:
Thanks for writing this. I have depression, and laughing at it like that made me feel a lot better.
'jolly' on Wed, 18 Apr 2012 12:29:41 GMT, sez:
My girlfriend and I both got money spells from email@example.com before going to Atlantic City. We bet each other who would get the most money after getting the spell. My contact with Dr. Messiah was really refreshing and he seemed confident I’d win big. When we got to Atlantic City, we both played Blackjack all night long. At the end of the night, she and I had both won over sixty thousand dollars. I won the bet and I have Dr. Messiah of the freemercytemple to thank for that. I’m hooked on messiah for all my money needs. Thank you, messiah! Much respect,jolly
'gambar lucu' on Mon, 29 Oct 2012 08:01:46 GMT, sez:
wow great article thanks for share
'gambar animasi lucu' on Mon, 29 Oct 2012 08:02:13 GMT, sez:
i liked this blog thnaks you
'Nigel' on Thu, 27 Dec 2012 06:53:38 GMT, sez:
but I seem to have just lately come out of depression and I miss i
I know I hated it but it seems it was easier
and now I want it back and that mean there's something wrong with me
and that's bad so I should feel bad
there maybe I'm on the right track
but really I'm serous
'Sapphire Tearz' on Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:02:16 GMT, sez:
Wow, stumbled upon this article rather late. Damn, Jan. 4, 2013.
Anyway, this article is actually really funny, and I've been ExTrEmElY depressed Before, and I found this article rather amusing, seeing as though I'm out of my SaDttitude, lol, and I think these "suggestions" on how to be depressed are quite literal along with the fact of the irony in it. I struggled with all of them for 7 years straight, and I'm only 24! But now I see the world with new eyes on account of my BFF Hannah. This thingy made me chuckle and dwell on the hard parts of my life as well.
Thanx Leon, pretty good. PrEtTy GoOd.
<'> Sapphire Tearz <'>
'Sapphire Tearz Sounds Hot!i!' on Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:05:35 GMT, sez:
yo, sapphire tearz, you sound hot. lol and likw smarticle. i like smarrt people with big tits, you got them?
'oldhoosier' on Sat, 09 Feb 2013 16:08:09 GMT, sez:
I work in a Psychiatry Clinic with only suicidal and homicidal people; they can get a little negative.
I've been teaching "How to Get Depressed and Stay That Way!" for many years, and folks love this way of looking at it.
One of the first things to go in depression is a sense of humor, and this kick-starts laughing at oneself and with each other very well.
'Chris' on Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:00:41 GMT, sez:
So, I've never heard of this site before and got here by googling "why is being depressed so easy." I'd really like to thank you, this is a wonderful way of looking at depression. I'll have to try and apply it in my life (and if I mess up, then I guess I'm supposed to be depressed, cause I'm terrible).
But seriously, thanks.
'Alex' on Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:40:18 GMT, sez:
I'm so stupid. I could never pull of such a good article, I am a retard (no offence). I wish I could do something amazing. I'm just that one 11 year old,individual who is beyond help.
'Chris' on Thu, 05 Sep 2013 14:27:58 GMT, sez:
Oh man! Major FOMO! I've only just found this article in 2013 - to think I could have been feeling depressed for years before now, if only I had known how. I will go forth and spread the bad word to all those unfortunates with a smile on their face and a song in their heart - they too can disempower themselves and finally get stuck in that rut they could only previously dream of finding.