Everything I know about Code Reviews I learnt from Star Wars (and JCooney)

Imagine you're on a project where Joseph Cooney performs code reviews on everything you try to check in...just theoretically. And, theoretically, people like Don Syme and Joel Pobar are on hand to provide useful feedback at times...

Many many iterations ago... in a project far, far away...

Joseph (in red, indented)Leon (in blue)
Aren't you a little short for a developer?Don't underestimate the Force.You may dispense with the pleasantries, Bambrick. I'm here to put you back on schedule.So, can I can check it in? You like my code?You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.We must be cautious.What's that line of code there?It's an old code, but it checks out. I was about to check it in.Does it compile?I find your lack of faith disturbing.

This part uses composition. The weapon of a true coder. Not as clumsy or random as code generation or polymorphism; an elegant design pattern for a more civilized age.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The power to destroy performance is insignificant compared to the power of an enterprise rules engine.We shall re-double our efforts...I hope so bambrick for your sake. The build master is not as forgiving as I am.Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: meIt's a wonder you're still alive.It's a valid implementation. Screaming about it won't help you.Let 'em defect it. It is not wise to upset a tester.But Joe, nobody worries about upsetting a developer.That's 'cause devs don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Testers are known to do that.Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her.So I'll check it in?I have a very bad feeling about this...[pauses]

It's a TRAP... err CRAP
Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that.Your insight serves you well. Bury your feelings deep down, LB. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the rules engine.

You can write this shit LB, but that doesn't mean we can checkit in.

Last resort: use Jedi mind tricks on Joseph:

These are not the bugs you're looking for (wave hands)These are not the bugs we're looking for.
You may go about your business. Check it in.

(that's a fairly typical back and forth).


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