Hogwarts: an alternative dictionary.

(bit off topic this one.)

I've been reading over people's shoulders on the bus -- books today seem full of strange words I never learnt at school.

Here's some of the weirdest words i've noticed in the book most people are reading this week, and the definitions I've come up with to try and make sense of it all.

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'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

albus dumbledore

nick name for a person who, with elbows, stumbles into doors.

alohomora

hawaiian greeting.

avada kedavra

what it sounds like when you try to say abra cadabra with a mouth full of bertie bott's every flavour beans.

boggert

short sharp spell that makes you soil your pants.

crookshanks

the way richard nixon's jowls wobble when he denies involvement in watergate.

durmstrang

when you drop a guitar and it goes out of tune.

expecto patronum

an old man's cough syrup.

expelliarmus

violent, sudden emission.

gillyweed

what mrs weasley bakes into muffins to help her get through those endless meetings of the order of the phoenix.

grawp

a drunken fumble.

hedwig

a wig on ya hed.

hermione

phonetic shuffling of 'her on my knee'.

hogsmeade

ointment for the treatment of hogwarts.

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'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

hogwarts

pustulating genital protuberences, transmissable through porcine interference (i.e. what happens when you f**k a pig).

horcrux

any street corner popular with ladies of the night.

hufflepuff

air biscuit.

kreacher

sound of coughing up an expecto patronus.

lumos

glowing fungus in the out-house.

lupin

spinnin.

mudblood

tainted transfusion.

padfoot

ankle bandage.

parceltongue

when you're snoggin' your girl and she gives you her cough lozenge.

platform 9 ^3/4

really big disco shoes.

portkey

how to open the liquor cabinet.

quidditch

inflamation of the groin caused by parceltonguing a horcrux.

scabbers

infectious hogwarts as passed from cedric to harry via cho. originating with hagrid/firenze.

sirius

not a joke.

sneakoscope

little mirrors on the tip of your sneakers for looking up witches robes. sort of thing percy weasley would use.

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'Harry Potter
and the
Deathly Hallows'
at Amazon

tonks

you're wolcome.

veritaserum

a runny cheese.

wingardium leviosa

spray on cleanser used in elevators.

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