This is why I don't go to nice restaurants any more.

Interior. Restaurant. Customer surveys a large menu.

[Waiter with French accent]—And for you, sir?

[Customer]—A bottle of the '98 Moët.

—I am sorry sir, we are out of the '98 Moët.

—Fine then, the '99.

—I am sorry sir we are completely out of the Moët.

—Cristal then?

—Again sir, my apologies, there is no Cristal.

—Do you have any Champagne at all?

—I am very sorry sir, we have no Champagnes at all.

—Sparkling mineral water then.

—Sorry sir, but...

—Tap water!

—I am sorry sir, the taps are...

—Anything! Do you have anything?

—We have a large forest leaf, which has been left out overnight to capture the condensation from the air, and you are invited to sip the condensed dew drops from the verdant fringe of the leaf.

—Okay, one forest leaf.

—Certainly sir [he begins to walk off] my apologies sir, I have just recalled that we are now entirely out of forest leaves.

—What's left?

—I can only offer you to suckle on the sweaty armpit of a rather tired sous-chef.

—Two of those.

[waiter takes away the menu]

—Sir has made an exquisite choice.

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