secretGeek.netIn the enterprise, nothing is what it seems
There is a hidden network of bloggers (all around you), a kind of secret brotherhood...
These are the 'ghost bloggers'.
'Ghost-blogging' is the practice of sharing true stories about your own working life, true stories too cutting, too poignant and too true to share on your own blog.
The following is an example of a ghost blog entry, sent to me by someone I know, appalled at some of the Kafkaesque behaviour they've been subjected to inside the kind of enterprise everyone should find familiar.
(I've ghost-blogged my own personal stories on other blogs, at times...)
Here goes...
 Requirements Tracking and Deployments |
In the enterprise, nothing is what it seems
In the enterprise when they say: "don't worry about that, another team will do that for us" what they mean is: "you just took on a dependency that you have no control over".
In the enterprise when they say "we want you to re-use this standard asset" what they mean is "we want you to hold on to this gold-plated, diamond encrusted anchor while we throw you over the side".
In the enterprise, the group allegedly responsible for 'provisioning developer desktops' will, in actual fact, be the group who expends every effort imaginable to stop developers from being able to actually install developer tools onto their desktops.
In the enterprise when there are three separate groups, allegedly responsible for version control, requirements tracking and deployments, you'll find in practice the requirements are documented through excel spreadsheets over email, the source code won't build, and the deployments take everyone by surprise, including the deployment team.
In the enterprise when they talk about 'strategic direction', they mean 'strategy tax'.
In the enterprise when they ask you to "simply call a web service", what they mean is, "use ftp to push a fixed-width file onto a queue that feeds the mainframe which routes another file to a web service that calls you back on a random port". With a completely straight face.
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Gene on May 22, 2009 17:14 sez:
I find this all too true.
>you just took on a dependency that you
>have no control over
Enterprises get tricked into thinking that re-use of their crappy internal systems will unlock some fountain of productivity.
"In practice" the existing system is controlled by a bunch of morons who will not return your email.
Chai on May 22, 2009 21:35 sez:
I love this "we want you to hold on to this gold-plated, diamond encrusted anchor while we throw you over the side" ... classic !
Josh on May 22, 2009 22:37 sez:
I am crying a little on the inside right now...
Chris on May 23, 2009 08:14 sez:
The three guys in the photo should be called "project management," "middle management" and "upper management."
I've tolerated their ridiculous behavior for too long.
mike on May 27, 2009 10:35 sez:
In the enterprise, no one can hear you scream.
Gameitonline.com on June 02, 2009 06:52 sez:
This is sooooo true.
Just like in the company i work for.
neozen on September 11, 2009 12:40 sez:
sooo.... creepy and familiar.... I feel as though I've worked with you on a previous project..... if you're still there.... I pity you.