Where is Steve Lombardi? It's not something I've ever needed to know -- but if i want to know, i just have to go to the where is steve web page. I can see his location, live, on a map, at any time. Pretty clever stuff, based on MS MapPoint.

But Who is Steve Lombardi? Well that's a tricky question. I'm certain he's a very intelligent man. But based on this interview i found, i could equally well conclude that he is a crazy nut case.

(continues)

And his picture seems to concur ;-)

(here's a quick tip for the editors of 'mp2kmag': unedited interviews read like crazy nonsense.)

The good news is that if Steve really is as crazy as the interview makes him seem, then it's okay. It will be no trouble for some Crime Syndicate to connect one of their laser-guided missile-systems to the "Where is steve?" page, and blow him off the planet. (Crime Syndicates are good at this stuff, particularly the bad guys on 'Alias'). But after reading more about this technology at other, better edited websites, including articles by Steve himself, I conclude that he not only deserves to live, but has a right to ongoing gainful employment.

Why mention Steve? because he's talking at Tech.Ed australia, about MapPoint, that's why.

Were I going to Tech.Ed, I would definitely be going to Steve's lecture. And Mitch Denny's. Were I going. :-( comments

I must grab someone by the throat and squeeze their neck so hard inside my steely grip that their blood supply is stopped, and their brain starves and gets dead. I need to pick up a hammer and smash someone across the face with it. The next person I see, they're gonna cop it.... and when they ask me why I did it, when the judges and the juries get out their pencils and prepare to take notes on the mind of a madman, a killer -- I will point to the system I am migrating data out of... I will point to this system, 'LOOK!' I will say. I will show them how this system worked, show them what the previous developer did, and then the people will understand... It's okay they will say, no wonder you went on a psychotic rampage. Migrating data out of that must have been terrible. Tell us again secretgeek, tell us what it was he did?

He has a foreign key that points to a non-primary key.

Wait a second -- are you sure? Do you realise the implications?

(it gets worse i'm afraid)

Oh yes. The full implications. I see it. I see it clear, your honour. The field he points to is changing over time. There are four years worth of data here and the value of the supposed primary-key has changed fifty times. These values he points to are reused from one record to the next. In order to make sense of any record at all I have to scan numerous other tables, try and make time flow backwards and thus predict which record has the given value at the given point in time. It's crap your honour. Cacca. Poo. It's good that a few people died as a result of my rage. It saves them from having to live in a world where basic relational-integrity can become so broken. They've been saved your honour.

Are you a happy programmer, sg?

Most days, your honour. This being not one of them. But most days.

(p.s. I'm reading a Stephen King book at the moment. And although I am a little stressed i am not actually a psychopath. Honest.) comments

Technically, this does not seem possible.

You attend a two day course -- and they give you a pen to use.

The pen is a beauty. It looks nice. It works well.

Everyone's happy. No one gets hurt.

The course finishes and you pocket the pen. Naturally.

Next day, the pen stops working.

I can't find any kind of microchip inside it. And it doesn't seem to be out of ink.

Yet they do this trick every time I get a free pen!

Explain that, ye wise blog-reading public.

Maintaining a technical library in your office can elevate more than just your mind. What book do you use to prop up your monitor?

It's important to find the fattest book, giving the most lift, which is used least frequently, resulting in the least disturbance.

The general solution to the Monitor-Prop problem can be found by seeking a maximum to this equation:

Suitability(Book) = Thickness(Book) * Estimated_Days_Since_Last_Used(Book)

When I crunched the numbers through Excel Lite, the hands down winner was:

"Special Edition Using Access 95 - The Most Complete Reference"

At 1300 pages, with over 1500 days passing during which the book was called into action exactly zero times, I challenge you to find a better Monitor-Stand.

After-blog-mint:

Rory is alive! Good news.

A colleague said this morning "I try to steer clear of triggers"

Part of me immediately thought: "That's stupid! Triggers are powerful and they should be used wherever they're the best tool."

But then a calm inner-voice rose up and reminded me of the dangers of triggers:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

(more on trigger-thinking...)

Testing and maintaining a trigger-happy database is comparable to waltzing through a jungle full of trip-wires, booby-traps and landmines.

Hence, as a general rule of thumb we should try to steer clear of triggers.

Before implementing a trigger, ask yourself this much, at least:

1. "Is there an alternative technique?" (i.e. a technique that doesn't require a trigger)
2. "Is the alternative technique no more than twice^* as complex as the trigger technique?"

[* 'twice' may not be the figure you prefer -- determine a suitable factor for your own methods.]

If the answer is "no" to either of those questions then it's Trigger Time baby!

I do love a good trigger!

One little tip: you might want to have some nice strongly-typed methods in your DAL for turning the triggers on and off at will. _{[Note to self: this is particularly important when working on a HR system with a trigger that sends email notifications for application-level events (such as termination of employees) to board-level executives. Forgetting to disarm such a trigger during testing might cause undue stress to your boss, their boss, their boss's boss, and in turn, to yourself.]}

A fantastic result for Greece in the Euro Cup. It's impossible not to be happy for them.

Several hundred cheering Greek Australians surrounded my bus in the city this morning. Any boss who fires a Greek for celebrating today instead of working, is a right bastard.

Just busy cleaning certain jokes out of my mental cache, for example:

Q: Why can't Greece ever win a game of football?

A: Because every time they get a corner they build a fruitshop.

Such thoughts have no place in my mind anymore.

Good work Greece; Bring on the Olympics!

I've caught a strong case of the Scobles.

Thanks Robert -- now I almost feel bad about referring to you as "the blogging-equivalent of a hyperactive, ginger-haired tap-dancing 10-year-old".

Welcome to any visitors who've arrived via Robert.

Here's your beer game for a Friday afternoon.

My best is 43 metres. Good luck.

Just as Radio Disc-Jockeys secretly long to be Musicians, so System Administrators secretly long to be Software Developers.

Here's a picture of the Average Ratings for Charles Simonyi's MSDN article on Hungarian notation.

That's quite the polarity!

Link thanks to Eric Lippert comments